Sunday, November 28, 2010

Lesson learned

looking up from inside the Air Force Academy Chapel

Ever been too busy to mourn?  Apparently, I have.  But my subconscious would only let me get away with it for so long.

A friend died almost two weeks ago.  She had been fighting cancer for a while now, travelling out of the state for an experimental drug and trying out radiation.  She was young.  Only a couple of years older than me.  She was the most doting sister and aunt.  A wife still as madly in love with her husband as when she first fell for him.  

She had been doing well before the last hospitalization.  We were supposed to get together.  I didn't make it. 

I'm sorry, R.  I was weak.  I stayed away because I was uncomfortable.  Not with your illness.  That I could deal with.  My faith failed me.  Or more accurately, my lack of faith failed me.  Failed you.  Though talking about God and speaking in scriptures helped you deal with everything that was going on, I was uncomfortable with it.  But I should never have let that get in my way.  I was weak.  And I'm sorry.  I know in my heart that you have already forgiven me this.  It's just the kind of thing you would do.  Now I know.  I'll never let something like fear and discomfort get in my way again.  Life is short.  I only wish I hadn't learned the lesson this way. 


  1. I lost a friend last year, and I know how long the grieving process can be. Be patient with yourself, and forgiving as well. There's no wrong way to grieve. <3

  2. I am so sorry for your loss.
    It's timely to read your post, as we are waiting to hear back from friends about a mutual friend of ours who is in the last stages of pancreatic cancer. We used to all hang out together a few years back, but we haven't seen him since his diagnosis. Although we haven't seen them, the family have been on our minds a lot, not least because, like your friend, he is one half of a couple very much in love. They had just had their first child (after years of trying and eventually fertility treatment) when he was diagnosed. The injustice makes me angry, and the thought of what they must have gone through, and are going through, breaks my heart. I both want to go and see them, as much as I wish I could hide myself away from this cruel side of life. But your post reminds me, it's not about me, and how I feel. Thank you for that, and if they do wish to see us, I will remember this. Thank you.


  3. Thanks, everyone, for your kind words.